10 Kinds of Starfish Opportunism

a boy finds a beach full of starfish that cannot breath out of the water

culinary opportunism
he basts a heated grill with oil and seasons the starfish with pepper and cayenne

social opportunism
he takes a selfie with the starfish, #WeirdCore #Tramatic

political opportunism
he leaves the beach, raises funds to save the starfish and does nothing in office

esthetic opportunism
he sets up a canvas on the beach to capture his impressions of the starfish

existential opportunism
he reflects on how brief our time is here

ecological opportunism
he tells tourists to stop caring about the starfish and focus on helping predators of humans

atheistic opportunism
he tells everyone we are just too innocent to live in a world where anything bad happens, like ever

academic opportunism
he audits a class on marine biology and gives a lecture about four stages of dying

new age opportunism
he says that we are all the starfish and so it doesn’t really matter what we do

professional opportunism
he puts salt on the starfish, dries them out, and sells them to tourists

spiritual opportunism
he throws one starfish into the ocean and says “made a difference for him”